First Post: Basics of Enjoying Treats

"Brian, how can you possibly eat so much junk food in one sitting and still enjoy yourself?"

I get asked this question a lot. Now, there are many ways one can optimize his or her candy consumption, and I will lay down the basics for you right now. First off: candy. Your basic candy comes in two forms: fruit-flavored and chocolate/chocolate-flavored. So, let me lay down the scenario . . .
You walk into a convenience store/pharmacy/grocery store/wherever candy is sold. You see the candy aisle in front of you. There's probably shelves that contain boxes of candy bars, and other items of a similar shape and volume (i.e. small bags of Mike & Ikes, cylindrical packages of Life Savers Gummies, etc.). Next to those shelves there may be hooks containing larger, often resealable, bags of candy. These bags usually contain "Fun-Size" candy bars (most likely individually wrapped), and larger volumes of fruit-flavored candies such as Starbursts and Skittles. Now, if you're a badass such as myself, you will opt for all larger volume candies, but let's keep things simple for now. First, you need to calibrate your desires . . . are you in more of a fruity mood, or a chocolatey mood (we'll get to salty in a minute)? Let's say, for example, you're in more of a chocolatey mood. It's very simple. Grab yourself a large, resealable bag of Milky Ways/Three Musketeers/Snickers/whatever your heart desires. Now, make your way to the other shelves and pick up a smaller, "normal-size" package of Jolly Ranchers Fruit Chews/Haribo Classic Gold Bears/Swedish Fish/whatever your heart desires. So, of course, if you're in more of a fruity mood, you would do the opposite: larger bag of fruit-flavored candy, and "normal-size" candy bar, for example. Next, you have two options of consumption: Alternating or Consecutive. This I will leave up to you. With me, it often depends on my mood, but I find that sometimes alternating between chocolate and fruit candies can be a little gross (and sometimes physically difficult considering litter control), and might choose to eat them consecutively. In what order should you eat the candies? I normally choose to eat the chocolate first, as it has the potential to melt while consuming the "fruit" candy, but of course this depends on the climate of your consumption venue. And, in fact, if your chocolate treat is too frozen (which may be the case in many refrigerated environments, including chilled vending machines), you can obviously rock your fruit candy first while waiting for your chocolate candy to appropriately thaw.

So, as this post has gotten a little longer than I'd expected, I will hold off on mentioning the NON-candy options in your treat-enjoying experience for a later post. That's right . . . we're talking about chips, ice cream, snack mixes: all of the things that can send your experience into the Flavor Stratosphere (TM)!


Questions and comments are always welcome.


Luvs,
BJH